


God’s True Voice, or, Five Times Chuck Killed the First Human and One Time He Didn’t

by ellerkay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comedy, Dark Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellerkay/pseuds/ellerkay
Summary: In the film Dogma, Metatron says that humans don't have the physical or psychological capacity to hear God's true voice, and adds that they accidentally killed five Adams before they realized what the problem was. So...what if that happened to Chuck, while the archangels looked on?





	God’s True Voice, or, Five Times Chuck Killed the First Human and One Time He Didn’t

**Author's Note:**

> In the Dogma quote, Metatron says human's hearts explode within their chests, but when this actually happens later in the movie, the force of it shoots the human's heart out of his body. I followed the visual.

_“Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God’s true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that out.” – the seraphim Metatron, Dogma_

 

1.

The man stood up slowly, unsure of where or who or even what he was. He looked up and a bright light, brilliant and beautiful and dazzling, appeared suddenly in front of him. He threw up an arm to shield his eyes.

“Hello,” the light seemed to say. The man clapped his hands over his ears, screaming. His knees buckled, and he was gone.

 

2.

The man stood up slowly, unsure of where or who or even what he was.

“Try again,” said a voice nearby. The voice was loud and ringing, but the man could hear its words clearly.

“You shored up his eardrums. I’m sure it’ll be fine,” said another, also fierce and ringing.

“I don’t know,” said a third voice doubtfully. The power of that voice filled the man’s head with unbearable joy and unendurable pain and he fell down, his heart on the ground six feet away.

 

3.

“Maybe I should just give up,” God said. “Amara was right when she said all my creations were stupid.”

“Don’t talk that way, Father,” Raphael said. Like all the angels, he appeared as a mass of blue-white light.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Michael agreed.

“ _I_ think you should give up,” said Lucifer. He was a ways off from God and the other archangels, and had a sulky aura.

“See?!” God said.

“Be quiet, Lucifer,” Michael snapped.

“What does he need them for, anyway?” Lucifer demanded. “He has us!”

“Calm down, Luci, you know Dad loves all his creations equally,” Gabriel said. “Dad, don’t listen to him. I’m sure humans are going to be great! You just have to get the recipe right.”

God sighed. “Okay,” he said. “I’m making their bones stronger this time.”

The angels could feel the exertion of his Will, and a figure rose from the clay.

“Hi,” God said. There was a cry of pain and a moment of appalled silence.

“Well, that didn’t do it,” Gabriel said.

 

4.

“I just want to be able to talk to them,” God moaned. “They’re going to be wonderful! I can see it all so clearly. Why is the art you end up with never as perfect as what you envision?”

“Give him stronger ears, stronger bones and muscle, and a more expansive mind,” Raphael urged. “It will be as you have planned.”

God formed Adam from the clay and drew nearer to him. He opened his mouth.

“How many drafts is this going to take?” Gabriel muttered, as the fourth Adam collapsed.

“I’m telling you, those things are useless,” Lucifer snarled. “He’ll be sick of them in a millennium.”

 

5.

The man stood up slowly, unsure of where or who or even what he was. He looked around, taking in the world which surrounded him. Far in the distance was a collection of bright lights. He could only look at them for an instant before his eyes smarted. He stood still, not knowing what to do.

***

“I’m not talking to him,” God said flatly.

“Oh Dad, just go say hi,” Gabriel urged. “I bet you got it right this time.”

“No! They keep exploding! I know I should kill my darlings, but this is too much.”

“Okay, how about I try talking to him first?” Gabriel offered.

God contemplated this for a moment. “That sounds okay,” he said finally.

***

A white-blue light appeared in front of the man. “Hey there, champ,” it said.

Some sort of response seemed to be required. “…Hey?” the man said cautiously.

“How are you feeling? Not like you’re going to explode or anything, right?”

“Explode?”

“Oh yeah, you don’t know what that means. Or what anything means, maybe. Well, that’ll all get sorted out soon enough. I think you’re supposed to be in charge of deciding what to call some stuff, anyway. Okay, just wanted to make sure you were doing all right!”

The light disappeared.

***

“This one’s fine!” Gabriel said. “He didn’t explode even a little bit.”

“Oh, I’m so relieved,” God said. “This has been such an ordeal. Okay, I’m going to greet him.”

 

6.

God looked down from Heaven at Adam and Eve in the Garden. They fed each other fruit. Gabriel, near to him, could feel his pleasure at the sight.

“I’m sorry they can’t handle talking to you directly, Dad,” he said.

“It’s okay,” God replied. “Stories surprise you. And you’re a good messenger. Maybe later I can figure out another way.”

“I’m sure you will,” Gabriel said.

“I should probably write some things down for them in the meantime, though,” God said thoughtfully. “I’ll find someone in the secretarial pool. And have Naomi send up some blank tablets, would you?”

“Sure thing.”

God was gone. Gabriel kept watching Adam and Eve. They had stopped eating and now appeared to be jamming their flesh together.

“These things are so weird,” he muttered. “Although it does look like they’re enjoying that.” They fell asleep, which was a concept God had not been able to explain to Gabriel’s satisfaction despite several tries and a number of diagrams. It just seemed so _boring_.

 _Lucifer’s probably right,_ he thought. _A millennium, tops, before Dad finds his next big project._


End file.
